That's Not My Name

I booked my flight back to Toronto last week. My plane lands at 6:50am, April 15.

I'm sad.

With only a month left in my working vacation I feel there's so much more I want to do and so much more I could have already done. There's so many more restaurants I need to visit and hundreds of taco stands I still haven't found.

And so many things you guys don't know.

Let me start with my nicknames:

Chaparrito-means shorty in a term-of-endearment kinda way.

Chichifo-the name given to Mexican hustler boys trying to land a rich, white daddy who'll pay for a month in a swank, ocean-front condo. Or grandma's very expensive heart medication. Or, perhaps just settle for margaritas on the beach and dinner at Fajita Republic.

It's not a nice thing to be called but all the Mexican's laugh when they see the word emblazoned on the bracelet I wear--a New Year's Day gift from my roommate Alfonso.

When Joe first saw me wearing it he asked in one of his short, angry tones, "Do you know what you're bracelet means?"

I said sure, "Hard-working entrepreneur, right?" Then walked away.

Ryanna-because I sing along to every song on the iPod. I can't help it, Joe's got good taste in music.

Deyanira Rubi-a pole-dancing, feather boa-sporting character created by one of Mexico's favourite morning talk show personalities. Deyanira, has lobbied the Mexican government to make pole dancing, the country's national sport. She argues that many families in Mexico are supported by wives and mothers that strip and without them, Mexico would be bankrupt.

A couple of the bars in this town would be bankrupt without me. Considering cervezas only cost 20 pesos, or about $1.75 that's saying something.

Although, I've taken a bit of a break this week to recoup. I had three nights last week that ended between 5am and 7am. That's a hard lifestyle to keep up with and not enough coconuts in this town to cleanse me of my sins.

And now the weekend is here. I've rested enough. Besides, a flock of new planes is arriving as I type. I can't let the new vacationers down. I have responsibilities and I know what they are.

Wish me luck amigos.

Coconut Detox

Coconut, I hear, is a wonderful detoxifier. My friend Robbie, from Montreal, is in PV for a month and eating a whole coconut everyday to cleanse his body, mind and especially his colon.

He buys his from an old man who sells them across from Rizo's, the grocery store in Zona Romantica. The old guy taps the water for you, which you drink, and then he cracks the nut into pieces so its easy to eat. The secret of this guy is that he keeps his nuts in the shade. Warm coconut water is like cat piss, according to Robbie.

I have yet to try the old man's cracked nuts but I'm seriously thinking about it. I wonder how many I'd have to eat to cleanse the toxins out of my system? Mexico may not have enough coconuts.

I love coconut and so do chefs, bakers and vendors in this town. Two of my favourite coconut dishes we serve at the Shack. Shrimp in aguachili is one of Joe's ceviches and probably the most interesting. First he halves raw shrimp then tosses them with cilantro and shaved fresh coconut before dousing the whole mixture in a blend of coconut water, lime juice and serrano chilies.

If you let the shrimp sit in the aguachili it will eventually cook from the lime juice but it's better to just pile a shrimp and some strands of coconut onto a tortilla chip and eat it raw.

For the less adventurous there's the coconut pie. Not coconut cream pie, but coconut pie. A 3"-high wedge of delicious, not-too-sweet coconut tossed in the lightest of custards, just to bind in all together. We serve it with a dollop of real whipped cream and the people go crazy.

One was delivered still warm from the bakery on Wednesday. I sold a piece to everyone of my tables. Actually I didn't have to do much selling.

Then there's the candy man vendor from the beach. He sells these sweet and sticky coconut logs, almost like a macaroon but soft and chewy. It's the perfect beach snack, especially if I'm sipping on a Miami Vice--such an old lady drink but so damn delicious. It's half pina colada and half strawberry daiquiri. It makes bartenders hate you.

I love it. Coconut too.

It's a Fish Shack Freak Show

It's been three weeks since my last post. Miss me?

It was about that time when one of our bus boys, Diego, got into a fight one night after work and got the crap kicked out of him. He's okay now. But it meant for almost two weeks that we were short a major part of the team so all the waiters had to pick up an extra shift busing tables. This meant working seven shifts in six days.

I've haven't had two days off in over a month. And so, on my day off I head to the beach and leave the laptop behind.

At the same time one of the servers, Ivette, had a few too many mojitos during a shift and was suspended for a week. The rest of us had to pick up the slack, meaning more double shifts for everyone. An eight-hour dinner rush is rigorous enough, tack on another four or six hours to that and it makes for one helluva long day.

Tack on another few hours of drinking afterward (to unwind, of course) and then do it all over again the next day. Staying sober in this town in not an easy thing to do.

And the thing is, it's pretty much been like that since I started working at Joe's. I had only been there a couple weeks when Tanque (Tank) the main bartender just upped and vanished. He's been at the restaurant since day one and works double shifts six days a week. Very important cog in the wheel.

One day, he didn't show up for work. Wouldn't answer his phone and no one (that I know of) knew where he was. The rumour is that he was in some kind of trouble and escaped to Baja to hide out. In a cave on the beach, no doubt. Ari, who's both a server and bartender had to pick up all of Tanque's shifts, leaving us short a waiter.

We only use fresh lime juice in all of our margaritas and mojitos and the bartender goes through hundreds of limes a day. Have you ever seen what prolonged exposure to citric acid can do to your hands? It ain't pretty. Ari was not only exhausted from working no-stop but her hands were being ravaged as well.

Then, 10 days later, Tanque was back. I never got the full story (or any part of it, actually) and frankly it's better not to know. In Mexico, too much information can be a very bad thing.

But somehow it all ends up working out. We all just dig in and keep the wheels turning at Joe Jacks, pumping out close to 400 meals a night. In a place that only seats about 80 people, its a fast-paced and sometimes grueling environment. And yet it's fun somehow. The insanity of it all and the constant pressure, mixed with a crazy cast of characters means there's never a dull moment.

And I'll take drama over the mundane any day. I also know that my time here is brief and in a little over a month I'll be leaving it behind. There's comfort in that. Believe me.

I Feel Like Crepe

Well, it's another cloudy day in paradise. It's been raining off and on, but mostly on, for the last three days. Very unusual weather for Puerto Vallarta in February. I don't mind so much because I live here (short term, anyway) but the beach-goers are starting to go loco.

The forecast for today, according to the theweathernetwork.com, was to be sunny and 28 degrees. And the sky this morning looked promising so I packed my bag and headed to the beach. I walked on the sunny side of the street, which I usually don't do, but I figured I'd better not take my chances with this weather. Good thing too. As soon as I stepped on the beach the clouds rolled in.

Then the rain came.

As I stood sheltering under a palapa at the Blue Chairs I grew hungry so when the clouds finally emptied I packed up my soggy towel and headed home for lunch.

Then I remembered the couple I served last night at work. In their twenties, from San Fransisco in PV to plan their wedding for October. They're a couple of food freaks and were telling me all about their favourite places. Jefferey's, they said, served one helluva good fruit crepe. One that would change my life.

I'm sorry but I can't remember the last time a pancake caused me a revelation. I'd certainly give it go though.

The fruit; chopped fresh to order. The batter; mixed new for each whole wheat crepe. Accompanied with fresh yogurt, granola and drizzled with honey.

Oh baby, sign me up.

And as you can see that's one damn fine job Tony Jefferey is doing on the griddle (that's his wife looking on). Today's fresh fruit includes banana, papaya, red delicious apple and strawberries. First he pours the batter and lets it cook for a couple minutes before folding it in half. Then he layers the fruit before folding it again in half, the fruit warming slightly from the heat of the griddle.

It took me all of five minutes to polish it off, nearly licking the tiny streaks of yogurt and honey left on the plate. One of the most fragrant honey's I've ever had; an intense buckwheat flavour.

Amazing brunch.

Life changing? I'm not sure about that. But I will be back to Jefferey's just to see what else he can spin up on that griddle.

email msg. to mark

Sunday January 31, 2010

Re: How are ya?
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From:
Ryan
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To: Mark

Good to hear from you. PV is fantastic of course. Yesterday I drove up the coast with a friend and we hung out in a fun little hippy town with a nice beach then stumbled across a polo game so we got our big hats out of the car and sipped mint juleps while watching the ponies. Most of that's true. ;)

then we went out and partied like rock stars til 6am. i have to go to work in an hour. yeesh!!!!

But everything's great. Working a lot, going to the beach whenever I can and wearing as clothing as possible.

I can't wait to see pics from Friday. I was thinking of you guys and wishing I was there. But I'll be home just after Easter so maybe for April's show I'll bring Mona back.

Say hi to Michael for me--talk to you soon!!!

rjxo

The View from Here

Here are some recent shots I took from my fourth floor sun deck when I was up there the other day, well, sunning. I have a 360 degree view of my neighbourhood from up there.

The tan is coming along very nicely, thanks for asking. . .

I took this shot of my pineapple water (frozen chunks of pineapple and water) facing north west. Look at that sky.

I'm living in Zona Romantica, one of the oldest parts of the city and its a neighbourhood, close to the beach and full of um, both rustic places and new condos. A true mix of Mexicans and gringos. It's a 20 minute walk to the beach and about 15 to Joe Jacks from here.

This is a house across the street and below is the neighbour next door.














Here's my outdoor TV room on the third floor. I spend a lot of time up here watching reruns of That 70s Show and Fantasy Island and napping on my afternoons off.

And yes, that is a creepy manequin in the corner. My roommate Alfonso is going to make her "art" one day. In the meantime she scares the birds away, and most guests.









Here's one of the best air-brushings I've come across. This car was parked outside my house the other night. Just having the Virgin Mary under my window helped me sleep better.

email msg. to lynn

Re: checking in
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From:
Ryan [Chat now]
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To: Lynn

Hi Lynn,

Good to hear all is well and that you guys are getting a reprieve from winter. I must say the weather in PV is very tolerable. Most things are, except the propane delivery trucks that drive around in my neighbourhood all day playing their super loud jingle. Luckily most days i'm either at the beach or at work.

I'm planning on staying through March, heading home around Easter. I'd love to have you stay another month if you're in no rush to move.

What do you guys think of Leslieville and Riverdale? Or have you had time to explore much?

Talk to you soon,
--
Ryan